I had no intention of writing a second post the day after my first. But, yesterday was our election and this morning the world feels different, and so do I. It is not that a Trump win was completely unexpected. What is new for me is how I am experiencing this moment. I already had that moment of dissonance, years ago, when I woke up to embrace the reality of the first woman president, only to find that the unthinkable had happened. I inoculated myself against this feeling for this election, so when I bolted upright at 2:30 am and checked the news only to find the prediction that Trump had won Pennsylvania, I was not confused or shocked. I sat quietly for a long time, letting the reality wash over me. I’ve become better at this. For most of my life, I lived in a state I can only call Pollyannaish Dissociation, easily slipping into my own fantasy world of believing that what could be and what made sense to me was actually the truth. This state of being both protected me and imprisoned me from being my “true self.” When my life took a plunging turn, over four years ago, into what I can only characterize as an abyss, I began my soul-searching journey of waking up to reality and to the role I play in creating that reality. I tend to think that maybe this whole country, or at least half of it, is also in this state of Pollyannaish Dissociation, believing that fantasy is reality, although this sounds too benign to characterize what feels more like evil than just fantasy.

Fast forward to now, sitting on my bed in the wee hours of election night. I did not think, “How can this be?” or “This is the end,” or “We will now live in a dictatorship,” or any other cryptic thought that I could be thinking. Instead, I felt a sure and creeping feeling that…I have work to do, that in some way I will matter. It is a feeling of resolve. It is a knowing that still half of our country did not vote for him, that I am not alone in the depths of my own despair, but deeply connected to millions of people who want the world to be a better place and understand that the way to make that so is not to blame or hide under a rock but to connect with our core beliefs and with hope, to connect with like and unlike-minded others to bring our common humanity to the fore in order to heal and thrive. I am keenly aware that the inner work I have already done was, and still is, the essential ingredient for allowing me to be in this open-hearted space where I can (here we go again) bring my “true self” into the service of creating bridges, alliances, friendships and, yes, love for our world. When Obama was elected I had a palpable and embodied sense that our/my work was done and he would bring us forward. What an oversight that was. It will never be done, we will never be done. We will forever be a work in progress, as individuals, communities and as a country. 

To me, Trump’s win is a message, actually many messages. People are in pain, afraid and feel neglected and marginalized. People are desperate to be taken care of. Most of us feel unseen, unheard and unwitnessed. Misogyny, racism and bigotry of all kinds are fueling our decisions and our relationships because we are stuck in fear and negativity spirals. What is the antidote? How do we rise well from these times? We need to connect with our deepest soul truths. We need to create spaces where we can be seen, heard and witnessed and do the same for others. We need to listen, really listen, to the realities and truths people are experiencing that have brought them to this moment when they feel the only way out is to make a person like Trump our leader. We need to learn to sit quietly and also listen to our hearts. And, we need to share it all, our lights, our shadows. We need to be curious and willing to change our minds. 

I am learning that at the root of all of this is love. Marianne Williamson says, “we are all in recovery from something.” Recovery is about coming back to love. It is about finding our way home together. If you join me in this striving I think there can be hope.